Hand of God 2

A few weeks ago I realized that I was still carrying around a lot of guilt for a mistake I made years ago. It was the sort of mistake where I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it turn out right. I knew that the guilt was not rational guilt -- the kind that makes you want to make amends and change how you do things -- I had done all those things long ago. This was the generalized "everything is my fault, I must be a horrible person" kind of guilt that my brain generates on overtime about just about everything I encounter.

Anyway, I called Mom for advice, and she told me, among other things, that if I could feel the spirit in my life, then God must have forgiven me for whatever I had done wrong, and so I could reasonably forgive myself too. This was mildly comforting at the time, but I mostly just shoved the guilt down to the bottom of the pile I'm always suppressing, and kind of forgot about it.

I was reading the Ensign this morning, and found the article, “I Will Not Leave You Comfortless” by Elder Cecil O. Samuelson. As I was reading, I felt the spirit say to me, "The Lord loves you, and is pleased with your efforts." And I knew that it meant He had also truly forgiven my past mistakes.

I am so thankful to have the Spirit in my life, and to have people around me who teach the truth about how to have a good relationship with the Lord.

Hand of God 1

At General Conference last weekend, one of the speakers suggested keeping a journal of times when we see the Lord's hand in our lives. Here are a few little coincidences that made me feel like somebody was watching out for me this weekend.

First, Miriam bought me some Halloween socks as a "welcome to our house" present. I love fun socks, and often buy them for myself. I had seen these particular socks several times at the store, and had almost bought them a couple of times. Every time, though, I thought, "No, you don't need to buy Halloween socks today." So I got to honestly tel Miriam that I had really wanted these socks, and that she picked the perfect present!

We had a long drive in the car to get from our house to Mike's. I really need to have some music or book on tape playing while I'm in the car. I brought along my iPod full of songs, but forgot the charger. We listened all the way up (about 6 hours) and all the way back, and the iPod died as we were turning into our own driveway! I said to Peter, "That was a thing of beauty!" It worked exactly as long as I needed it, and no longer.

Somebody loves me.

Alcatraz Fan Art

When I went to visit my brother and his family this past weekend, I thought it might be fun for them to go to Brandon Sanderson's book signing since he happened to be in town that day. I thought is might be more fun if they had a clue who he was and what he'd written, so I took along the Alcatraz book to read to Aidan. I figured I'd get a few chapters read, and if he liked it, we'd go to the signing and get him his own copy to finish. Well, we were so engrossed in the reading that we forgot to leave in time to get to the signing. I did ask Aidan to draw a picture for Brandon though.

Here it is. This is the scene where Bastille and Quentin are fighting the Alivened Paper Monster. You can see the monster, Bastille's broken sword coming out of its chest, Quentin with his gym bag full of guns, and Bastille with her dangerous handbag. I'm not sure why they're wearing helmets. I think that Aidan just thinks helmets are cool.

Another Mobile Home

This one is in Lakewood -- Pretty far from where Peter works. It's only about five miles from where we used to live in Anaheim. The thing is, it's really nice. Built in 2005, it has cathedral ceilings with skylights, a big bathtub (no jacuzzi jets, though), three bedrooms, two baths, a laundry room, a big kitchen, and a living room and dining area. There's a garden in front, and space for more in back. The park rent is high, about $900, so that's a minus, but the park has a pool, and is very nice.

The thing is, it's going to be impossible to find something nice, and affordable, and close. They simply don't go together.

Mobile Home II

So I went to see the mobile home yesterday. If we buy it, it will need a LOT of work. The floor really is falling apart in places, the carpet hasn't been cleaned since it was originally installed in 1970, and so has black lines in the high traffic areas. It will simply have to go -- as will the linoleum in the kitchen. The walls all have that fake wood paneling - so they'll have to be painted, and they'll still have the grooves. The appliances are just as ancient as everything else. I really don't know whether the Bank would lend us money for such a thing -- we certainly couldn't re-sell it for a profit after a few years, I doubt we could re-sell it at all. I'm OK with the idea that all our money would be gone when we moved out -- that's no different than renting -- but what if we want to move before we've paid it off? It'll take at least five years under the best of circumstances.

The trouble is, I really like the idea of living there. It's much closer to the places that I go, and not too far for Peter. It has a bit of lawn and a rose garden. The people in the park are friendly and will talk to you. The land rent is cheap.

Sigh. I don't even know if we'll qualify. I should get the paperwork next week.

Mobile Home

I'm going to look at the Mobile Home in Santa Monica tomorrow. The lady showing it said that if we're on the edge, we ought to apply anyway to see if it'll work. The home is a 1970 model, so it's older than the banks like, but it's about half of what we were asking the banks for, so it might be OK. It's 20x48 so it's almost twice as big as our current apartment. It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms, walk in closets, stove and refrigerator, and it's even painted green outside! On the downside, it needs repairs to the floors, new carpets, and there's evidently an antique sofa that won't fit out the door. There's space for a washer and dryer, but no hookups currently, though there is a laundry facility in the park. There is a little lawn and garden, but they'll be changing the street layout in the park, so I don't know whether it will survive the "master plan". I have a lot to find out tomorrow!

Pregnant again?

Well it's finally time to start trying to get pregnant again. According to my calendar, it could happen this week. I do feel kind of queasy, but is that the hormones or the nerves?

We're also trying to buy a mobile home. It's not an easy proposition. There's one in Santa Monica that looks perfect for us...but we're worried that we might not meet the low income requirements of the park. We probably will if they don't include the re-writing work that's not official salary, but if they do, it may have pushed us over the edge. I wonder if we could tell them we're not doing it any more -- and really stop of course -- I'm only willing to do it since it would let us have a better place to live. Wouldn't it be ironic if it kept us from getting the place we want?